2026-07-15 · Written by the SPS team
What to do in the first five minutes after someone tells you they want to die
Breathe, thank them for telling you, ask directly if they're thinking about ending their life, remove immediate means of harm, connect them to SADAG (0800 567 567), and don't leave them alone. You don't need the right words — you need to stay.
You never forget this moment
You never forget the moment someone tells you they want to die. Time freezes. Your mind goes blank. Here's what to do in the first five minutes.
Minute 1: Breathe
Literally take a breath before you respond. Your composure is the most stabilizing force in the room right now. Say: 'Thank you for telling me. I'm here.' That's it. No advice yet, no theology, no panic. Just presence.
Minute 2: Ask directly
Ask: 'Are you thinking about ending your life right now?' You will not 'put ideas in their head' by asking directly — research on asking directly about suicidal ideation consistently finds no increase in suicidal thoughts as a result, and some studies show a small protective effect. If they say yes: 'Thank you for being honest. Can I stay with you while we figure out next steps?'
Minute 3: Remove means
If there's something they could use to harm themselves nearby, gently move it or suggest moving to a different space. Don't make a scene about it — just create distance between them and immediate danger.
Minute 4: Connect to help
SADAG crisis line: 0800 567 567. Call it together. Hand them the phone, or call yourself and put it on speaker. If they refuse, say: 'I care about you too much to handle this alone. Let's call together — you don't have to talk if you don't want to, but let's get someone on the line who knows what to do.'
Minute 5: Don't leave
Stay with them until professional help arrives or until the immediate crisis passes. Then make a plan for the next 24 hours — who will stay with them, when they'll see a doctor or counsellor, what to do if the feelings come back. Write it down. Crisis clouds memory.
Source: PMC — What's the Harm in Asking about Suicidal Ideation?
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