2026-07-19 · Written by the SPS team
What not to say to someone who's suicidal
Avoid minimising phrases like "just think positive," "others have it worse," or "you have so much to live for" said as an argument — they shut people down instead of opening them up. Replace advice with presence: "I'm here. Tell me more."
Why well-meant words can still hurt
When someone tells you they're suicidal, the instinct to say something helpful is strong — and understandable. But some of the most common responses, even when said with love, can make a person feel more alone, more judged, or less likely to open up again. Here's what to steer clear of, and why.
"Just think positive" or "look on the bright side"
This frames their pain as a mindset problem they haven't tried hard enough to fix. Suicidal thoughts aren't solved by optimism — they're a signal something is seriously wrong. This phrase tells them their pain isn't valid.
"Other people have it worse"
Comparing suffering doesn't reduce it — it just adds shame on top of pain. Someone in crisis doesn't need perspective on global suffering; they need to know their specific pain is taken seriously right now.
"You have so much to live for" (as an argument)
Said as a genuine, specific reminder later in a conversation, this can help. Said as a rebuttal in the moment — as if listing reasons will talk someone out of how they feel — it usually backfires. It can make someone feel like they have to justify why those reasons aren't enough, which deepens shame.
"You're being selfish"
This is one of the most damaging things you can say. People considering suicide are often convinced, wrongly, that everyone would be better off without them. Calling it selfish confirms their worst fear — that they're a burden — instead of challenging it.
"Snap out of it" or "just pray more"
Both treat a serious crisis as something willpower or effort alone can fix. Faith and mental health both matter, but neither replaces the other, and neither is switched on by being told to try harder. See Christian and Depressed — Why "Just Pray More" Doesn't Work for more on this.
What to say instead
You don't need clever words. "I'm so glad you told me. I'm here. Tell me more" does more good than any of the phrases above. Ask directly if they're thinking about ending their life — that won't put the idea in their head, and research consistently shows it doesn't increase risk. Then stay, and help them connect to SADAG: 0800 567 567.
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."
— James 1:19
Source: PMC — What's the Harm in Asking about Suicidal Ideation?