2026-07-11 · Written by the SPS team
How to help a friend who's talking about suicide (the days and weeks after)
In the moment, stay calm, listen without fixing, and connect them to SADAG (0800 567 567). This article covers what comes after that first conversation — for the acute, right-now protocol, read What to Do in the First Five Minutes instead.
This is about the ongoing support, not the first moment
If a friend tells you they're thinking about suicide, your first instinct — panic — is natural. This article is about what comes after that initial conversation: the days and weeks of ongoing support. If you need the acute, right-now protocol for the moment someone discloses, read What to Do in the First Five Minutes — it covers the immediate response in detail.
In the moment: the short version
First, don't panic. Take a breath. Your calmness is contagious. Second, listen more than you talk — don't jump into solutions, don't quote Bible verses at them yet. Say: 'I'm so glad you told me. I'm here. Tell me more.' Third, take it seriously. Every mention of suicide is significant; myths like 'people who talk about it won't do it' are dangerous and false. Fourth, don't leave them alone if they're actively suicidal — call SADAG's crisis line together: 0800 567 567.
What NOT to say
Avoid: 'just think positive,' 'other people have it worse,' 'you have so much to live for' (said as an argument, not an invitation), 'you're being selfish,' or 'snap out of it.' These minimise real pain and can make someone feel more alone, not less. You don't need clever words — presence beats advice every time.
The day after matters most
Follow up. The day after the crisis is when many people feel the most alone, once the initial concern from others has faded. Send a message: 'Thinking of you. No need to reply, just wanted you to know I'm here.' That simple gesture can be a lifeline.
Checking in without smothering
Ongoing support is a balance. Check in regularly but not so often it feels like surveillance — a weekly message, not a daily interrogation. Ask open questions ('how are you doing, really?') instead of yes/no ones. Respect it if they don't want to talk every time; consistency matters more than intensity. If they refuse further help, keep the door open rather than forcing it — say something like 'I'm not going anywhere, whenever you're ready.'
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone in crisis is real weight to carry. Set boundaries where you need to, talk to someone else about how you're doing, and don't try to be their only lifeline — encourage them toward professional support alongside you, not instead of you.
You don't need to have all the answers
You just need to show up. That's what community looks like. That's what love looks like. And sometimes, that's what saves a life.
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
— Galatians 6:2
Source: PMC — What's the Harm in Asking about Suicidal Ideation?